As Time Flies By
by Ripplingstorm
Summary: It was the first Christmas without him, without Natsu. Even though months had passed since he… was gone, he stayed on everyone's mind. It wasn't the same, not without him. Lucy realizes that she has to eventually learn to accept this and let other people in, and Gray finds that he isn't the only one suffering. Because, under those smiles and that laughter, they all hid their pain.
1. Unfortunate Placement of Mistletoe

**Author's Note:** Hi! This story was inspired by the prompts for Fairy Tail Christmas Week on Tumblr. I'm sorry, I had to write a sad story. It's supposed to be a multi-chapter story, centered around a couple of prompts. The first chapter is based on the prompt "mistletoe", for day three. Sorry if any characters are OOC!

 **Summary:** It was the first Christmas without him. Even though months had passed since he… was gone, he stayed on everyone's mind. It wasn't the same, not without him. Lucy realizes that she has to eventually learn to accept this and let other people in, and Gray finds that he isn't the only one suffering. Because, under all those smiles and that laughter, they all hid their pain.

 _ ***Will (eventually) have a hint of spoilers for strictly anime watchers and those not caught up with the manga  
**_

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail in any way shape or form.

* * *

 _One: Unfortunate Placement of Mistletoe_

Lucy found it rather amazing how it's the little things that makes much of the difference. In the end, because of one small slip of paper, what was supposed to be a festive party of sorts adopted an oppressively sombre mood that didn't fade with more alcohol. Perhaps that was because it had never really went away after _then_ , but whatever the case, it had caught all of them by surprise.

They had all been recovering, healing and had just begun to learn how to live again. A slip of paper – or more accurately, a name – had brought them down so quickly. It brought on tears and cries and sobs and wails and immeasurable grief and choking silence, not to mention the crippling emotional pain it wrought on some.

The cause of the problem had stayed the same, just as in all those years past. Except now, the Master's tears were everyone tears. This year, the _why_ had changed and along with it, so had their reactions. It was amazing how much of a difference one person could make, with their personality, attitude, tendencies, habits, flaws and even mistakes.

 _Natsu Dragneel_.

It started like any other night at the guild hall. Everyone – and Lucy really did mean _everyone_ – was crowded at either the bar counter or one of the tables. It was a bit surprising to see so many guild members in at one time, but given the time of the year, she figured it was reasonable. The end of the year never failed to bring people home.

 _Home_.

A rush of warm air greeted her as stepped through the wide open double doors into the guild hall. Freed's jutsushiki must be at work to retain the heat within the building. Lucy's mouth curved up in a fond smile as she took in the scene before her. Just like any other day, except with blinking lights all over the place and discreetly hung mistletoe.

Thoughts of mistletoe brought a fierce blush to her cheeks as recalled quite the embarrassing situation she found herself in merely a day ago. She had been unknowingly sitting under a sprig of the potent plant that had been hung high up on the supporting beams of the roof when Gray had slipped into the seat beside her on her left. Greetings were exchanged, casual questions were asked and a spectacularly jealous yet strangely accepting Juvia was observed. All was well until a high pitched squeal of delight echoed throughout what had been a serene room.

In confusion, Lucy paused midsentence to turn and stare at the Mirajane. The barmaid grinned with glee and pointed to the rafters far above Lucy's head. When she turned to look, she became further bewildered by the sudden outburst when a tiny hint of dark green caught her eye. Her mouth dropped wide open in disbelief and she just sat there as Gray poked her to question her sudden stillness. A red stripe made its way across his face when he realized what she was staring at and before he knew it, he was unbuttoning his shirt in disbelief and studiously avoiding eye contact with anyone or even any _thing_ by staring resolutely at his black jeans.

"M-Mira! That can't be right, it's obviously over the _other table_!" This earned Lucy a horrified and disturbed look from the occupants of the neighbouring table, which included Reedus, Freed, Bixslow and Lisanna. Lucy offered them a lopsided smile in apology.

Mira smirked. "I'm sure it's hanging right over your head. I should know, I hung it up myself."

Not questioning how Mira had placed so well a sprig of mistletoe so high up, Lucy directed her disbelieving gaze back to the crossed beams supporting the ceiling. She had looked at Gray and a wave of uneasiness washed over her with the realization that the hungry gaze Mira set on her was due to her desire for Lucy to fulfill the tradition of kissing the person caught under it with her. Who was sitting right beside her? The one and only Gray Fullbuster, Fairy Tail's resident ice-make mage and chronic stripper and Lucy's close _friend_ in addition to being a very reliable and powerful and admittedly, immensely good looking teammate.

It wasn't that Lucy _minded_ having to kiss Gray, not at all. Except, you know, for the fact that even though she knew, as a girl with good taste in men, that Gray was exceptionally handsome, she didn't like him any more than platonically. He was like an ideal, slightly protective older brother, which was exactly why the prospect of being forced to kiss Gray through a very demanding stare was so terrifying.

Okay, so she was lying a little bit. Gray was attractive, and Lucy wasn't immune; far from it actually, because Gray was in fact one of the most handsome males she knew. And that was saying quite a lot. But hell, they were in the guild hall, which was half filled with _people_! That she knew! She couldn't! Besides, Juvia – that's right, Juvia would flip.

She opened her mouth to announce her triumph to Mira. "Juvia will –"

Mira smiled sweetly. "Juvia has left the building, honey. Now, kiss already, uphold the tradition, and move on! It's just one kiss!"

Lucy sputtered as she confirmed this with a quick glance all around. "B-b-but – no, I can't – I just –"

"Lucy…" An uncharacteristically timid voice sounded from beside her. She turned to find Gray's dark blue eyes boring into her chocolate brown ones. "If you're not going to kiss me, I'll kiss you. Just to get it over with. It's awkward enough having been being caught under it, not to mention everyone in here staring not so discreetly," he finished in a dry tone, glaring pointedly at those present.

Mira beamed. People stared. Gray waited. Lucy shook her head.

"Sorry Gray, it's n-not like I mind kissing you – well, I do, but – no! Not like that! I mean – anyway, it's not like I mind too much, I just want to _make sure_ it's hanging over my head." Gray nodded in understanding, his eyes darting all over the place in embarrassment.

In response, the distinct clank of metal sounded behind Lucy and Erza patted her on the head. "Do not worry, I shall make sure that you have not been wrongly accused." _Wrongly accused?_

She held out a gauntlet covered hand and pulled a winged hilt sword from her Heaven's Wheel armour. She whipped it upward and with astounding accuracy combined with frightening strength, the sharp blade sank into the wooden rafters and severed the mistletoe from where it hang.

Lucy watched as it plummeted down with apprehension weighing her mind. Silently, she chanted in her head that it would land on the other table, but in mere seconds, it became increasingly clear the exact location of its landing point. Gray's head. A little bit to the right, to be precise. Lo and behold, the sprig of that damned poisonous plant hit Gray's head, seemed to _bounce_ off his thick, lightly long raven locks as if Mira had somehow managed to imbue some of her excitement into it, glanced past Lucy's left shoulder before flopping to a stop in front of her. All Lucy could think to say was –

"It was hanging above Gray's head."

Then she focused her attention on Gray's discarded shirt lying in a rumpled heap in between the two of them, hands braced against her legs. Gray turned his head away from Lucy and stared resolutely at the entrance to the guild halls with his arms crossed across his chest, his very _naked_ and _well defined_ chest, Lucy noticed as she sneaked a glace upwards.

Mira rolled her bright blue eyes, swiped a lock of silky white hair back and gestured wildly to Erza, who was still standing behind the blushing duo, not at all concerned about that one sword buried deeply into the overhead beams. Erza, having received the signal, planted a firm hand on both Lucy and Gray's head. They turned their gazes upward immediately, slight fear evident. Erza ignored that and took the opportunity to force their surprised faces together.

Lucy's eyes widened in surprise as her face went on its course to be smashed into Gray's. His eyes reflected the same sentiment. Before either of them could react, their noses were brushing up against the other's and their mouths were pressed very firmly together.

For a moment, there was silence as the other guild members present stared. Lucy could feel heat spreading throughout her body, and if the warmth of what she guessed would be Gray's normally cold cheeks were anything to go by, he felt the same. Well, that was awkward, especially since Erza didn't bother to remove her hands and nor did she lessen the strength the put behind the simple action of resting her hands on their poor heads. It soon became far worse, however, when Gray tried to speak. Lucy had to commend him for that; she as far too shocked and frozen in uncertainty to do anything other than curl her fingers.

"Umhser, plshhh efff phoo."

His lips were moving against hers. _His lips were moving against hers._

 _HIS LIPS._

Behind them at the bar, Lucy could hear Mira's soft giggle at Erza's over the top antics. "I think they're alright now, Erza. Thanks for the help!"

Apparently, Erza had taken Mira's earlier request too seriously, which was evident in her stern stare as she _finally_ removed her hands. Lucy leaned back immediately, wincing as her hair was pulled away with Erza's hand, having been caught in her gauntlet. Her eyes immediately found a spot on her skirt, and having deemed that particular shadow worthy of her attention for an indefinite period of time, she proceeded to ignore everything and just stare. It was a very interesting shadow; the shape and depth was simply _fascinating._

A tiny cough to her left reminded her that the person she was very literally forced to kiss was still sitting next to her, and was just as nervous about it. She refused to listen neither to said person's discreet signals nor to the unrestrained chatter circulating the guild hall.

A louder cough sounded, and what she recognized to be Gray's arm brushed up against her own. She picked up her gaze from her lap to Gray's insistent one. Lucy would have taken him seriously and was going to listen to what he had to say… but he was in the process of ditching his pants, so…

"Lucy, Gray, you haven't properly kissed yet! ~" Mira sang from the bar counter.

Gray growled as his fumbling fingers couldn't undo the button on his jeans, not even realizing that it was all for taking them off. "What the hell?" Then, turning his eyes to Mira, he glared, face still red and lips smeared with lip gloss. "We kissed, Mira, happy?"

"Nope! That wasn't a real kiss!"

"It so was! Fu – oww," he exclaimed as Erza dropped a fist on his head before the expletive could leave his mouth in full, "that so was!"

Lucy didn't hear much of the argument, but she didn't spend the short period doing nothing. No, she, without realizing it, stared at Gray's upped body. Admiring it, it she was being really honest about it.

Suddenly, she saw Gray's long fingers reach up, the action being accompanied by a low growl of annoyance and… was that relief? Was that even possible?

Hastily ripping her eyes away from the mighty fine body he so wonderfully _rocked_ , she looked up just in time to see Gray's hands coming up to cup her face and his mouth descending on hers. Not again, she thought as her hands fisted her skirt.

In an instant, his mouth was pressed firmly against hers, his lips not at all cold like she so idly imagined, but reasonably warm. They weren't as warm as… as… someone _else's_ lips, but it was still nice. His strong, calloused fingertips were cool as they rested lightly along her jawbone, contrasting the heat of embarrassment that she positively radiated. Just like… _he_ always did… like how _his_ hands were…

No, now was not the time to dwell on the past. Right now, there was just Gray, his lips moving against hers, and how fantastically he kissed. Perhaps he had gotten around a bit like Loke had? Whatever the case was, she didn't stop kissing back and falling into the hum of love – or maybe it was lust, or even immense longing – until he pulled away.

She watched with wide eyes as he licked his lips, tongue flicking out to catch smears of strawberry lip gloss. His eyes smiled at her. Like… like… No! Not like _him_! Gray's eyes were dark blue. _His_ had been grass green. Lucy forced a small smile back, even as she tried to banish all thoughts pertaining to the other boy. Gray was right in front of her, and he deserved her attention.

In the background, she could hear shouts and catcalls from some of the males, as well as shouts of "MAN!" echoing through the building. She could hear Mira's giggles and gasps and general noises of pleasure as the pretty barmaid processed the incredibly _hot_ kiss Gray had delivered, being shirtless and having unbuttoned pants as well. She heard Erza's hum of approval. She heard Gray's even breaths.

"Gray," she whispered, quiet to the point of silence.

"Lucy," he replied, looking into her eyes, confusion filling his thoughts. She had looked so happy and cheerful not long before! What had caused the sudden change? Surely she was not so opposed to kissing him to have had her rare sunny disposition ruined, was she? She usually only became like that when… Oh. Oh. _Oh._

She was thinking about _him_.

 _Natsu._

"Lucy, I'm –"

"It's okay, Gray," she said, even as tears welled up in her sad brown eyes. She stood abruptly, pressing a hand to her eyes before running out, leaving behind her jacket and purse.

Gray paused a moment, not registering the slightly alarmed tone the many conversations around the guild had taken, and cursed himself. "Shit, Gray, you're a moron. Man, I really fucked up this time, didn't I?"

Without a second though, he grabbed his discarded shirt and jacket, Lucy's jacket and her purse and was on his way out in seconds, buttoning his pants back up along the way. It wouldn't do for his mission to comfort his friend to be foiled by being arrested for public indecency.

Shit, he had really messed up. Why didn't he _think_ , dammit?! He knew that Lucy and Natsu had this thing going on, this love thing. The idiot must have shown it in some way before… _that_ happened _._ Gray could think up a lot of ways he might remind Lucy of Natsu, even though they were rivals. In honestly, they were probably more similar to each other than either realized or cared to admit. The flame-brain and he shared quite a few traits.

Gray didn't know what exactly it was that triggered the slight breakdown, but he did know that the kiss had played a big part. Tugging on his coat as he went (running around in biting cold wind was most definitely _not_ fun), following fresh footprints in the snow, he sighed. Even now, that stupid ash for brains was still the source of his problems. Not that Lucy was a problem, per se… but he did feel terrible at stirring up all those memories of him.

Gray didn't have to walk far – or as was his case, run too far – to locate and catch up to the blonde. She was walking at a fast pace, her black boots kicking up snow with force. "Lucy!"

She turned, hair flying across her face in the cold winter wind, tears sliding down her face. Her hands were clenched Lip gloss smeared and makeup running, she looked like a mess. It was Gray's fault. Gray, mirroring her actions, bit his lip. What to do? What should he say? He hadn't thought this far…

"What do you want, Gray?" Lucy asked in a soft, broken voice. It tore at Gray's heart, just a little. After all, it was his fault and he also missed his best friend.

"I… I'm sorry, Lucy. I should have known. I should have taken into consideration how forcing a kiss might affect you. I'm sorry."

Lucy unclenched a fist to brush her eyes. She let out a bitter laugh, saying, "Don't worry Gray, it wasn't your fault. I'm too sensitive." Then she fell quiet, allowing the whistle of wind to fill the silence.

After moments, Gray spoke, hesitantly. "I remind you of him, don't I?"

Lucy laughed a short, uncharacteristically harsh laugh that conveyed just barely bearable pain. "What do you mean, Gray? I-" The harshness became choked laughter. She didn't say any more. Soon, choked laughter became coughs, which fell to hiccupping sobs. Tears sprang forth once again, alarming the boy who was so carefully scrutinizing her.

Gray draped her coat over her shaking shoulders and secured her purse to his own wrist. He then wrapped his arms around her in an enveloping hug. She pressed her face into his chest, shirt quickly becoming wet with salty tears. Her shaking hands came up to wrap around his upper arms, the ice cold of her fingers penetrating even through the fabric of his coat.

It was good that Lucy had run away from the town. Her cries were not quite lost to the wind, but this way, in the otherwise undisturbed place, there would be no interruptions, no one wondering why Gray was hugging Lucy and why Lucy was crying. There was just them, and it allowed Lucy to cry, to think, to remember with someone there to comfort her.

He didn't speak, just held her as she cried. It was the most he could do. In the end, it was Lucy who spoke when her tears stopped and her cries faded. Her voice was hoarse. "Not your fault, Gray. Not your fault."

Gray stared down at her with wide eyes. She didn't blame him?

"It's okay, Gray. I just overreacted. I miss him, you know. A lot. It's just not the same."

"Lucy…"

She continued with only a slight pause. "He was my best friend, the first I ever had outside of the maids my father hired. The first true friend since my mother. I guess that it's not fair to you, Gray, because when he wasn't … I suppose I just projected his image onto you. I'm sorry.

"You're both so similar, you know? I needed o deal somehow. He was gone, and so the person that I found to be the most like him was you. You're so alike, it was hard for me to even look at you at first. I couldn't hear your voice without thinking about him, and couldn't see you without remembering. I didn't know how to be around you again.

"You're both so hot-headed, even though he was far less rational. You're equally strong in comparison to him. You both had that burning fire in your hearts, the strong feelings for your nakama and the similarities in thought. I knew it wasn't fair, to see you in that way, but it was hard not to, after I could bear being around you again.

"You're taller than he was, by a bit. You have inky black hair. He had brilliant green eyes, while yours are deep blue. You wield the beauty of your ice cold creation magic with deadly precision and force, he held his destructive fire with astounding strength and was a walking disaster waiting to happen. You are calm and collected most of the time with other people, and he was the grinning idiot who had a brilliant, contagious grin. Your emotions are well kept, and while he didn't cry often, his anger was always made known. He would bare his sharp canines in snarls and growls and roars, ready to burn any enemy to a crisp, while you would only look on with cold eyes. You both have the same lean, muscular build though, from all that cutthroat training. Both of your competitive streaks stretched for miles on end. You pushed each other to become better, stronger, and always fought toe to toe, back to back.

"You're both so different yet alike. It would be fascinating if it didn't hurt so much to think about. You're ice and he was fire. Fire and ice. Then again, maybe it's no wonder. You were best friends, right? Teammates, and I suppose even brothers. You cared for each other. You were around each other so much that you had picked some of his habits and he exhibited a few of yours.

"I'm sorry, Gray, I really am. I shouldn't have. I couldn't help myself. I loved that idiot. I loved him! But then he was gone, and all I had left was nothing but memories of his hair, his smile, his laugh, voice, and tendencies. You are like him enough that even though he was gone, and I loved him, I began to love you too. I know it's not fair, because thoughts of him still plague me every single moment, because I still love him, that flaming moron."

Lucy laughed again, a short pained sound. "I still love him."

Gray's heart lurched. He never knew how much he reminded her of _him_. Of course, no one could blame her. He told her just that. "I can't blame you for that, Lucy. It's not your fault at all. If anything, it's my fault for forcing you to relive the pain right when you were just beginning to heal, to accept things. I'm sorry, I truly am. I didn't know what effect that kiss would have on you. In hindsight, it wouldn't have been a good idea regardless of the situation."

Lucy was silent for a moment, arms wrapped around herself, bringing her coat closer to her body. Sometime during her heartfelt speech of sorts, she had stepped away. Gray stuffed his hands into his pockets, waiting on a reply with baited breath.

"I couldn't help but think how differently you kiss. Natsu kissed me, before… before. He was all heat and explosive energy. But you, your kisses are slightly cooler. That kiss wasn't as frantic, as rough, as hurried. It was slow. But they were both filled with so much passion. And I guess that set me off. Maybe it was just time I thought about him. I can't hide from memories forever, no matter how painful they are. I have to learn to deal with it, with _him_ being gone. I have to move on sometime, right? Gray?"

Gray nodded numbly, mind racing with instinctive thoughts of displeasure at being compared to the pink haired fire dragon slayer. However, thoughts of annoyance fled in a second as he remembered that his rival wasn't around any longer. That guilt quickly became pain. With a jolt, he realized something so glaringly obvious he resisted the urge to punch himself in the head for his self-centered thoughts.

He was not the only one who had missed a certain flaming idiot with all their being. Lucy had suffered, Erza had cried, and Wendy had endured after grievance. The entire guild took a hard blow, and now, truly thinking on it, they never really did recover, just as he had never really healed since then. Hell, all of Fiore had mourned greatly the loss of the vibrant, larger than life, powerful but human dragon slayer who had a mighty reputation as the Salamander, not to mention the other guilds. It wasn't the same. It had already been months, and still, full recovery seemed so far off if not impossible. Emotional damage always did take longer to heal than a physical wound.

In the space of a single moment, Gray realized his stupidity. Without realizing, he flinched as he heard Natsu's voice shouting in his head. _"What the hell Gray! You selfish bastard! The world doesn't revolve around you, popsicle! Lucy's in pain too! Get off your ass, open those droopy eyes and look around you, dammit!"_ He had been much too occupied with his inner turmoil, so much that it had blinded him to the burdens and pains everyone else carried on their shoulders as well. Lucy hurt just as much as he did, if not more. She had loved that flame brain, after all.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. I was too selfish." Gray paused as an image of a grinning idiot flashed through his mind. "You're right. We have to learn to move on sometime. I've come to realize that I haven't yet, and I know you haven't either. If the two of us are in such a state, then I doubt Wendy or Erza is doing any better. We can help each other, right? I'll help you get through this, Lucy. I'll help you live on. Okay?"

Lucy gave him a teary smile. It was a sad one, but genuine. "Yeah, Gray. I'll help you too."

Gray smiled the same smile. Full of pain but with a touch of hope. "Right. Let's go back to the guild."

Placing an arm across Lucy's shoulder, he steered them back in the direction of the guild hall. They didn't say much.

"Gray?" Lucy asked as they neared the guild hall. "I really do love you, you know. I just don't know what kind it is yet. I miss him too much."

"I know, Lucy." Gray chuckled drily. "For your sake, I hope it's platonic or familial love. The idiot deserves your love. Besides, heavens know that if anyone could transcend time and death, it would be Natsu. He would come back just to kick my ass and to make sure you never love anyone but him."

Lucy laughed, and the warm sound drew another smile from him. "Right, Gray. He would."

"No really, dragons are really possessive. I'll bet Natsu would have been the same."

"Yeah."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Any passerby wouldn't have known that they weren't lovers, or that they were desperately trying to wrestle their own inner demons. Just by looking at them, they wouldn't have guessed that those two were broken inside, that they were both struggling to move on even months after the fact. They wouldn't have know the pain their soft laughs hid, the tears their beautiful eyes masked, nor the screams that had poured from the same lips that were curved into gentle smiles.

But despite all that had happened, they were going to be okay.

"We're going to be okay, Gray."

"Yeah. We're going to be okay."

They really were trying to move on, to live for his sake. He wouldn't have wanted them to be like this, so they tried to move forward. They were just learning to stand once again, on a shaken foundation. It was hard, and took many tears and howls.

But Natsu had said once that whatever didn't kill them had to make them stronger. Because they weren't dead, they would be stronger for what they had gone through. All those bitter memories and agonizing experiences would help them grow.

It was what they did, after all. They were Fairy Tail. What did Fairy Tail do when there was nothing left? They fought on and prevailed. Much more so now, because they had so much to live for. Including the memory of Natsu Dragneel. In a way, they also owed it to him to live as best as they could, even though he was the one that broke his promises so stay. So move forward they did.

They leaned on each other, and pulled each other up, and cried together. They walked together and mourned together and ran together and fought together. They filled in for each other's weaknesses.

When Erza broke a table in half by flinging a sword into it and yelling, the others were there to help her through it. When Gray screamed at Natsu to come back so he could kick his flaming ass, it was his team who held him as he broke down to the silence answering his demands. When Wendy cried a torrent of tears, it was only Gajeel and Laxus who could calm her. When Lucy cried and screamed and yelled and sobbed for Natsu to return to her, it was Gray who comforted her with his soft, understanding words.

When they were all feeling particularly upset, they shouted and screamed together. They cried together and grieved together. Because whatever it was, they were always there for each other, no matter what time of day or night. They were a team.

They were Fairy Tail. And what did Fairy Tail do in the face of difficulty? They conquered it and moved forward stronger and braver and more compassionate for all the pain they suffered.

In this case, they were struggling up a steep cliff of emotional damage, but still they were making it. They were slowly healing, and with time, they could be normal again, but never forgetting. Because if anything, perhaps more than recovering, they had to honour one man, the one who was braver and stronger than them all, who had a larger heart than Magnolia and a will stronger than steel. Because of him, the one who never wavered and stood strong before anything. The one who saved them and them more, the one who never turned back, the one who protected what he loved to the end. The one they all looked up to, and missed, and loved with all their heart. The one whose name they worked to carve on their minds and hearts that they may never forget.

 _Natsu Dragneel._


	2. A Slip of Charred Paper

**Author's Note:** Hello! This is the second chapter to the story! It was originally supposed to be centered around the prompt for day two, shopping/presents, but since I am incapable of writing short things, I split the chapter up. So that prompt really comes into play next chapter. Yeah, I realize I am woefully behind in this story. I mean, the week has basically ended already. Whoops.

Hope the characters are well in character! Also, I really hope the "emotional healing" stuff isn't overused in the story.

Beware of writing mistakes! I only edited it once, really quickly, so I may or may not contradict myself between the first chapter and the end of the story.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything recognizable! Probably. If I did own Fairy Tail - alas, it is but a dream - I would make it more angsty and dramatic. If that's possible, considering the manga and anime at the moment.

* * *

 _Two: A Slip of Charred Paper_

When Lucy and Gray arrived back at the guild hall, the mood was noticeably less energetic than it had been. Random chatter had been reduced to minimal levels, and it hurt a little to see the optimism in face of the fast approaching holidays drop so much. Solemn faces turned to them as they stepped past the doorway, with Gray's arm over Lucy's shoulder and Lucy clutching her coat. Some shot them glances of sympathy and pity, while some sighed and looked away, guilt hidden in their dark eyes.

Mira looked especially guilty. Her large blue eyes were wide with apology when she lifted her head as they came in. Seeing her tearful stare stirred up sympathy in Lucy when she met the stare; Mira hadn't meant to cause her to cry, she couldn't have known.

Lucy gave her a small smile. Mira sniffed, mouth quivering slightly. Then, to everyone's immense surprise, she braced a petite, bracelet encircled hand on the bar counter and with an enviable swiftness and grace, leaped over the bar counter. She took off towards the pair at the door, teeth clenched and tears gathering.

"Lucy!" she cried, a hint of a quaver in her voice. "I'm so sorry!" She threw her arms around the blonde, knocking Gray's aside.

Lucy stood and let Mira hug her to death, unsure of what to do. After a moment, she let go of her coat and brought up an arm to pat Mira on the back. "It's okay, Mira. See? I'm fine now."

"But it was my fault! You cried, Lucy! I'm so sorry! I should have know; I mean, you were in love with Natsu, after all! … Natsu…"

Lucy smiled at her faintly, catching a small encouraging smile from Gray. "I still am. I still love him."

Mira gasped before sobbing harder and hugging Lucy tighter. "Oh Lucy, I'm so sorry! I –"

"It's really okay now, Mira; it was just a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. So? We just move on, right?" Gray said from beside Lucy.

She turned her blue eyes on him. Suddenly, in a blur of maroon fabric and billowing pink ribbons, Gray was being squeezed with all the strength of the white haired girl. She continued sobbing into his chest. Feeling quite helpless, Gray looked to Lucy for assistance, who merely offered him a shrug and an ever so slight curve of her lips.

"Gray," Mira babbled, "I'm sorry to you too! I shouldn't have forced you to kiss Lucy! I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry!"

"Shh, Mira, it's okay. It'll be okay, yeah? Don't worry about it."

"But Gray –"

Gray shook his head and looked down at her. "No. Don't blame yourself. The fault is with me as well. Besides, don't you have things to do, Mira?" He smiled, and hugged her back. "We're drawing names for this year's Secret Santa today, aren't we?"

She stopped crying and sniffed, letting go of him. "Sorry, Gray. I'm sorry. But that's not today. That's tomorrow."

Gray stared. What? Tomorrow? He was so sure –

"But we can do it today if you want. We need something to turn our attention to, right?"

Gray looked to Lucy, who nodded. "Sure."

Mira wiped her eyes and turned back to the guild. She smiled a bright smile, and even though it was a bit forced, it was still beautiful and had a positive effect on the guild. Everyone – and really, just about every single member of the guild – smiled back, if not a bit hesitantly.

"Everyone!" she waved a hand to gather the attention of those who had begun chatting once again. "We will be doing the Secret Santa name draw now! I know I planned it for tomorrow, but Gray and Lucy wants to do it today! Just wait a moment while I get the basket of names!"

Lucy saw Erza give a sharp nod of approval. "Yes, that is a great idea. Good job, Gray," she said in a very serious yet loving tone. A couple of people at the back of the hall cheered. Cana, who was lounging on the bar counter with her barrels of alcohol, grinned at them. Gajeel and Laxus rolled their eyes. What was so exciting about buying stuff for other people anyway?

It warmed Gray's heart to see the energy slowly being climb back up. He threw an arm up and shouted, "Let's make this year even better than last year! Put your heads into it this year! And no setting things on fire if you don't like it, no matter who it's from, got it?"

There was a moment of silence as the guild fondly remembered the cherished time last year when Natsu had burned his gift from Gray when the two had gotten into a fight. There were a few laughs and snickers as they recalled that incident that ended in the (accidental) destruction of quite a few other gifts. One of them had been Erza's… but then again, it was the one Ichyia had sent in, so she wasn't too peeved by what had been a very fatal mistake by the two rivals. She looked pretty relieved, in fact, though there had been a scolding for the two involved.

Lucy smiled. "You're not completely innocent either, you know. You shattered Natsu's gift for you; not exactly what I would call polite.

"Yeah, well, he started it! He shouldn't have stared at his in disgust."

"You both started it. Besides, he was _not_ staring at it in disgust. More contemplative, I think."

" _Contemplative?_ " Gray snorted. "The idiot didn't think even half the time. I highly doubt he was thinking about what I gave him."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "You're both idiots, you know. Besides, you wouldn't know half of how much he thinks. You just don't want to admit –" She drew in a sharp breath before she closed her eyes and exhaled a shaky breath. "I mean, he was an idiot and you still are. He really did think a lot more often than you think."

"Lucy –"

"Aren't I right? You're an idiot, but at least you slightly less of one." She was purposely avoiding the mistake she made.

"Hey! I resent that!"

She shrugged. "Well, it's true. Can't deny the truth. We can only accept it and strive to improve upon it. Like Natsu did. He knew that he was always weaker that _someone_ , but that just pushed him to work harder to improve. We have to do the same. Aren't I right?"

"Right." Gray carefully watched Lucy. "I guess we all have a lot to learn from that flame brain, huh?"

"Yeah." Lucy smiled sadly at the ground, pushing back tears that were threatening to spill. She raised her eyes to Gray, and with a certain glitter in them, said, "For an idiot, a flame brain, a fighting obsessed dragon slayer, a rival, a friend, a teammate, a brother, a spark of hope and an _utterly moronic, self-sacrificing hero_ , that pink haired boy sure has a lot to teach us. I'm glad he left his legacy."

Gray hummed his agreement. As he opened his mouth to reply, Mira's voice interrupted. "Everyone! I have the basket! Come form a line at the bar!" Immediately, people jumped from their seats, shouting with anticipation and making guesses about whose name they would draw and who would draw their name in turn. They surged forward in a large mass of people, which brought on a slightly panicked look from the barmaid. Gray and Lucy started forward as well, though at a slower pace than some of their guildmates.

"Stop!" The commanding voice of Erza ran out through the building. Everyone stopped their pushing and occasional shoving in an instant. Erza walked through the throng of people to stand before Mira. She turned around, and shouted quite fearsomely, "Get into three lines in front of me!"

People scuttled to obey. It was never a good idea to piss off the Titania. _Never_ , under no circumstances, should one _ever_ even unintentionally stir up the potent temper of the red head. Ever.

Erza nodded as three long lines took form in front of her. Then she turned and smiled at Mira, before reaching in the basket and picking out a slip of paper. Her face twisted slightly with a small frown, and then a scrunch of eyebrows as the frown grew deeper when she reread the slip multiple times. When she reached into the basket once again, her gantlet covered wrist was snatched by Mira, who smiled at her sweetly.

"No exchanges, Erza. What you get is what you get." For that, the white-haired girl got a reproachful glare and a cross between an annoyed hiss and a huff from the temperamental red head before she walked (stomped) off. "I'll know if anyone switches the names they draw!"

Gray watched as Erza neared them, walked right by and out into the cold, kicking at the snow. Gray turned to Lucy, saying, "Hey, why do you think we use the basket every year? And in previous years, Mira went around passing out names to people."

Lucy thought for a moment. "Since Secret Santa is a tradition, it's only fitting to use something such as a basket to imitate the days when magic was exceptionally rare. Also, the lack of magic involved also eliminates the possibility of using magic to her ends as the guild matchmaker. I think she's doing it this year to reassure people that she isn't messing with them. Remember last year? She tried playing matchmaker and caused a lot of ruckus. And trying to fix that rivalry thing between you two…"

Gray didn't need her to explain. Whenever people said "you two" to Gray or Natsu, they usually meant him and Natsu. "Yeah… that ended very badly. But knowing Mira, she'll find a way to rig this year's name drawing too."

"Well, I certainly hope not," Lucy said as she stepped up to pick her name.

"No worries, Lucy," Mira said, "I have done nothing to the basket except add more names. So you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Any name you draw is just luck! Speaking of which, who –"

Lucy gasped as she drew the folded slip of paper. Its edges were slightly burnt, charred black by fire. Her throat closed up as her eyes widened and tears sprang up. There was only one person who had a slip like this. He had burned the slip with his name on it, saying that he "didn't want something the same as that stupid ice princess." That he wanted his slip to be different, so people always knew when they drew his name.

 _Natsu._

A choked sob tore from her throat, masking the frantic cries of "Lucy!" from Gray and the guild members. Her fingers trembled as she slowly unfolded the wrinkled slip of charred paper. The name neatly printed in Mirajane's loopy handwriting was faint. But still, it had been clear to Lucy the moment she drew it.

 _Natsu Dragneel_.

She screamed. It was a heart wrenching, piercing, agonized scream. It echoed through the guild. Soon, the sharp scream dissolved into sobbing as Lucy clutched Natsu's slip to her chest, falling to her knees. Gray dropped down beside her, pulling her in a protective embrace.

"Shh, Lucy, shh. I'm right here." Gray stroked her hair in hopes of calming her. Tears pricked at his eyes, but he stubbornly forced then back.

"Natsu… Natsu… Natsu…" she whispered brokenly. "Natsu…"

"Lucy –"

She wiped her tears and abruptly stood, pulling Gray up with her. Her tears stopped. She carefully folded the worn paper and slipped it into her pocket. Turning to Gray, she gave him a tearful look, sad eyes glittering still with more tears unshed, and reached back into the basket. Mira didn't protest, only allowed a tear to slide down her face as she sadly regarded Lucy.

She snatched two slips of paper, and grabbed Gray's wrist. Before he could utter a noise of protest or surprise, Lucy was tugging him through the throng of people seemingly frozen in shock. She led them towards the doors.

Outside, Lucy fell against Gray, breathing heavily. "Gray," she said, "are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that. Are _you_ okay?"

She sniffed. "I'm fine, I think. I just need a little time to think, to be alone."

Gray nodded in understanding. He let her go and began to walk away, saying, "Then I'll give you some space, Lucy. If you need me, then I'll be here for you."

"Wait!" she cried, hand reaching out to catch his arm. He turned. "Not now. Not now. Stay with me, Gray, at least for a little bit." Her voice became quiet at the end.

He looked at her, large eyes wide with pleading and gave in. He couldn't refuse her. "Alright. I'll stay." With that, he looped his arm back around Lucy's shoulder and steered them towards the city. "Let's do something fun, okay? To take our minds off the flame brain."

She nodded and handed him a slip. "Shopping then." A pause. "Who did you get this year?"

Gray looked down and unfolded the tiny square of folded paper through expert manipulation of his long fingers. "Levy." He read aloud. "Huh. Good thing we're shopping together, yeah? You're going to have to help me out. I don't want to just get her books this year. Have to follow my own proclamation you know?"

"Yeah. But honestly, Levy would love anything you get her. She keeps all her gifts."

"Still, you're going to be helping me. Whose name did you pick?"

"Natsu and… Elfman." At his prompting glance, Lucy smiled faintly and lightly smacked his chest. "Of course I'm going to buy Natsu something. Wouldn't want him to cry over the fact that we all forgot about him so soon, would we?"

"That pyromaniac would probably run around spewing fire everywhere in disappointment. And rage. Definitely rage." He chuckled. He could imagine the fire breath running around lighting thing up in fire.

"That's a little dramatic, isn't it?"

"But he never was known for subtlety."

"True, true." Lucy sniffed again, and Gray wasn't sure if it was form the cold or her thoughts before she spoke. "I do miss that loud, obnoxious attitude. I miss his over the top actions and his destructive tendencies. I miss him."

After a moments silence, he said, "Me too."

Then Lucy smiled again, and though it was forced, it did show that she was trying. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about him burning down entire sections of towns anymore."

"Ha! He's probably somewhere, kicking his legs in frustration at that!" The thought made Gray smirk despite himself. "And he can't complain about what you buy for him." He paused before making an amendment. "What _we_ buy him."

At Lucy's surprised look, he chuckled and said, "The flame brain deserves more than one gift this year. He deserves more than a hundred. I'm only going to buy him one though."

Lucy laughed softly. Gray smiled and willed himself to think only positive thoughts even as he couldn't help but remember the eventful exchange last year. Wouldn't do to start sobbing in public, would it? Besides, Natsu would laugh. The thought drew up some annoyance in Gray, who took it gladly over the memories.

He didn't say anything else as they walked into town and neither did Lucy. They were both lost in their own minds. Perhaps they weren't completely aware of the other, but they helped to stabilize and ground each other. Gray drew Lucy closer instinctively and Lucy pressed against him. It was comfortable and familiar, and at that moment, that really was all they needed.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	3. Whispered Words of a Ghost

**Author's Note:** Here is the third chapter of this story! This chapter includes prompt ideas from day two and four, shopping/presents and party. Also, please note that **_this is where the slight spoilers come in for anyone not caught up with the manga or strictly anime watchers._**

Again, beware of writing mistakes and some boring-ness and inactivity! Hope everyone is in character well enough and Lucy's gift for Elfman is realistic (for them) and that it sounds cool enough!

Personal anecdote sort of thing: The journal described in this chapter is based off the one my friend gave me for Christmas, even though I don't celebrate it. It's gorgeous. I really, really want to write down a Fairy Tail AU in it, but it's tooo precious! I honestly have no idea what to put in it. I also really wish that magical aspect of it was real...

ALSO: THANK YOU to the guest reviewer on the first chapter! It made my day knowing that someone enjoyed my terrible writing. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I likely don't own anything recognizable! Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima, who is doing a wondrous job of setting the storyline up for major heartbreak and dramatic battles and shocking revelations.

* * *

 _Whispered Words of a Ghost_

Gray was really beginning to wonder if he should just listen to Lucy and buy some books for Levy. They had already been in and out of three gift shops in the past two hours in search of the perfect gift for the short, blue haired girl, but nothing caught his fancy as being suitable enough.

Lucy had already bought her gift for Elfman, a magical pair of thick black and red wristbands that were not only pretty nice looking but could also store some magical energy for a certain amount of time. Not bad at all for having spent approximately half an hour looking for a gift. Personally, Gray thought her so called luck had something to do with the fact that Elfman also loved whatever he got and never failed to yell something related to manliness. Levy on the other hand, though she was generally easy to shop for, proved quite tough because he was just too determined to find a perfect gift.

He did have Lucy with him to give him pointers, but she also rolled her eyes when she thought he wasn't looking and sighed in exasperation every once in a while. He couldn't blame her, and honestly, he was a little annoyed with himself. Of course, he was too proud to admit that. "What is wrong with all these gift shops? You'd think one of them would have something suitable."

From beside him, Lucy sighed again. "Stop blaming the shops, Gray. You're the one being too stubborn. Come on, let's go check out that book store across the street. That's the last place we're stopping at for Levy, okay?" Of course she wanted her best girl friend to get the best possible gift, but Gray didn't need to spend _three hours_ on it! "Good god, Gray, we set out at around ten this morning and now it's nearly one!"

Gray protested as she dragged him out the doors, shooting the shop owner an apologetic look as the door closed with a jingle. "Hey! Lucy! I wasn't done there yet!"

"You weren't going to buy anything anyway." Gray could _feel_ her roll her eyes. She was right though, so he didn't have an answer to that. He was spending way a bit too much time. They still had to buy some gifts for other people as well, not just for Secret Santa. Their teammates, for example, and friends from other guilds.

As the two entered the book store, the first thing Gray noticed was the warmth. Then, it was the smell. Thirdly, unifying designs of the store. It was surprisingly modern looking for a store with the outward appearance of an old, antique place, and with the large window panes that stretched across the front of the store, a lot of natural light filtered in. Pale green and light brown highlights ran across the walls and lined the doorways. Christmas decorations were well placed on bookshelves and twisted on stair railings. Spiral stairs led up to a second floor. There was a lack of that dusty old book smell. Instead, the place smelled faintly of ink and freshly printed books. Gray had never been one for literature but even he had to admit it was nice.

Lucy grinned as she took a deep breath. "I love this place!" She turned to him. "Gray, you look for a potential gift. I'm going upstairs to check out some new books." With that, she was on her way toward the stairs, waving a greeting at the shop owner on her way.

He sighed. Annoyed with his indecision, was she? Well, nothing could be done about that now except be decisive. Thirty minutes ought to do it, right? With one last look around from the doors, he stepped into what seemed like a labyrinth of books.

* * *

It was a beautifully bound book. With thick blue covers as dark as his eyes and intricate gold detailing, it caught Gray's eye as soon as he saw the volume carelessly shoved between a couple of encyclopaedias. Never mind what he was doing in the reference books section or why he had thought Levy would seriously appreciate a set of thick encyclopaedias, but this! It was truly a stroke of luck.

"Finally!" he shouted as he reached for the small book, which earned him a look from one of the employees. He shot the girl a look of apology before turning his attention back.

Reaching up to chest level, he moved to tug the book out but to his surprise, it didn't budge. Strange. Putting a little more force behind it, he locked his fingers around the spine and pulled. It still didn't give. After a few more tries, he was about to give up and get help when Lucy's voice sounded behind him.

"What're you doing?"

"Trying to get this book out!" he replied with a strained voice.

"You've been having trouble getting a book from the shelves? With your strength?" He could hear the incredulousness and disbelief in her tone.

"Well, you try. It certainly wasn't moving when I tried," Gray said as Lucy reached for the book. He watched as she too struggled. "See?"

She ignored him and waved over an employee. It was the girl who glared at Gray. He didn't meet her stare. He stayed silent as Lucy explained and gestured to the book firmly lodged between two larger volumes of encyclopaedias.

The girl nodded knowingly. "I know exactly what you're saying. Don't worry, it's just one of those locked books. I'll get it for you," she said as she pulled a scanned sort of thing.

"Eh?" Lucy was surprise. "Why do you keep books like in this section locked?"

The girl smiled. "You don't know? It's a part of this month's event. A couple of these books are hidden throughout the store, and whoever finds them gets a little something during their payment, provided they actually buy the book. Besides, it a magic book, so it needs to be locked in case someone tries to mess with it. "

Gray's eyes narrowed in contemplation. "Well, I sure did pick the right book. I'll be buying that anyway, though I don't really care about the prize thing or whatever it was." The girl wordlessly handed him the book and told them to find her if they needed anything else. As soon as she turned to leave, Gray turned the book over in his hands.

"It's beautiful," Lucy said as she leaned over his arm.

The spine had no words on it, but gold and silver spirals curled down the length. Spirals swirled from each corner of the front and back covers. In the center of the front cover was a golden sun. Tiny planets dotted the rest, with thick and thin strips of gold lining the edges. Fine gold dots covered the entire front cover, like sprinkles of gold glitter. The back cover was almost the same except silver in colour and the sun in the center had been replaced with a moon. Thin clouds encircled the silver depiction, which added to the mysterious feel to the cover art. The edges of the pages were gold and silver, the colour changing depending on the angle of light it was seen in.

Gray gently cracked open the cover. To his surprise, the pages were filled with lines of silver and gold, not words like he had expected. Huh? "It's a journal?"

Lucy smiled. "It's a _very beautiful_ journal. Levy would love it. But what's the magical part?"

Gray flipped back the inside cover. Words were inscribed in flowing script that unfortunately, Gray couldn't read very easily. Still, he managed after a few moments of staring. "So apparently, the owner has to print their name in the book and speak it once, and whenever they want to use it, all they have to do is speak their name and say whatever they want to write in it. Contents are hidden to anyone else."

"Hey, that's pretty cool! I _know_ Levy could really use some privacy for some of her writing. Maybe she'll write about Gajeel in there." Lucy grinned.

Gray rolled his eyes. "And maybe she'll write about how annoying she finds everyone to be when they pester her about her relationship with him."

"Point taken. Are you ready to buy it yet?" A hint of impatience entered her tone.

"Yeah, yeah, get off my case already."

"Not my fault you spent three and a half hours finding it. Besides, what were you doing in the reference books section?"

Gray had hoped she wouldn't even notice, much less ask. "None of your business," he mumbled as he forked over the jewels for the gift. (It was expensive!)

He grabbed the bagged book, the slip of paper and the small package the cashier offered him (he assumed it was for the special event thing the girl had mentioned). With a quick shout of "Thanks!" over his shoulders, he exited the bookshop into the cold, with a grinning Lucy following closely behind.

Time waste more of their precious, heard earned jewels on their teammates and so called friends! (*cough-Lyon-cough*)

* * *

Even though Gray felt immensely bad about it, he couldn't help but silently curse Natsu's already cursed existence (or nonexistence, as it were) in his head. See, not only did he feel like he had to get the most amazing gift in the history of gift procuring for the stupid flame brain, but the grinning idiot was an incredibly difficult person to buy something for. Even if he wouldn't be around to appreciate the gift.

He had bought a small, Christmas music playing, spinning crystal tiger. It would surely annoy the hell out of his surrogate brother, though Gray had a feeling he would either be receiving angry letters or an eventful visit from a pissed ice make mage. It was always a pleasure to tick off Lyon.

Wendy bought Cheria some adorable hair ornaments, a generously large box of chocolate and a pink and purple wind chime of sorts to hang indoors. The wide smile on her face when Gray offered to mail it with his gift to Lyon warmed Gray's heart. Wendy's politeness and kind heart would never change, even as she grew taller and her magical power increased.

They bought gifts for Happy as well, and other guild members like Mira, Lisanna, Cana, Juvia, Laki, Asuka, and so on. The jewels was being dished out so quickly that Gray didn't even have the will to calculate how many jobs he would have to take to earn back the amount after the first two purchases. Christmas sure was the holiday to spend a ton of jewels.

He, Lucy and Wendy had bought the suit of armour Erza had been talking about. Apparently, the single edged shamshir, a slim saber that tapered off into a wicked sharp tip, allowed the user to have some control over gravity and the armour not only negated the effects of gravity magic but also increased agility under normal circumstances. Erza had been talking about it for a while, but never say anything about buying it. Lucy suggested that maybe it was because it was so expensive (due to the extensive detail, quality of material and the required mastery to imbue magic in it, said the shop assistant) and they never failed to destroy more than they absolutely needed to on jobs.

The armour was quite revealing, as seemed to be the pattern for most of Erza's armours. Apparently, the red head liked to look good while beating down the enemy. It was hard to describe, with his mind straying to… places, which led terrifying prospects of Erza beating him up so badly that he would be in the hospital for a week even with Wendy's healing powers. All Gray was willing to say was that it had a flowing red cape clasped at the shoulders that was resistant to most reasonably strong magical attacks and it included two black and silver bracelet things that encircled the upper arms and a similar one around the waist. For a somewhat skimpy armour, it sure cost a lot.

The entire time spent in Magnolia's Heart Kreuz shop, Gray had mentally commended Erza on her brashness and confidence in her own body. She totally had reason to be of course, but man, some of those armours were… not very modest. Wendy had been blushing the entire time.

Speaking of Wendy. They had run into her outside the book store, quite literally. Gray nearly fell right on top of the poor girl as he very gracefully slipped on the steps of the shop. Lucy had gone tumbling after him, though thankfully, Carla had been there to pull the small girl aside and Gray caught hold of the stair railings.

After that near mishap, the three of them wandered from store to store, buying gifts for their friends. They spent all afternoon browsing through shelves and racks. Lucy had pulled Wendy into a clothing shop sometime around three, and against Gray's protests, dragged him in too. He had hovered by the door while waiting, refusing to venture further in. Another guy had been waiting there as well, and he looked at Gray sympathetically.

"Your girlfriend drag you in?"

Gray glared at the guy, before vehemently denying that Lucy was his girlfriend. " _NO._ " Unconsciously, he began stripping, which was a really bad idea fin a shop full of girls. He really did have to cure his problem of stripping when he was nervous. "Lucy and Wendy are my _teammates_."

The guy's eyes widened, probably due to catching sight of his dark blue guild mark. "Wow dude, you're from Fairy Tail? That's cool man. I didn't mean any offense."

A girl's voice rang out. "You're from Fairy Tail?" she asked, eyeing the guild mark on his chest. The she half screamed, half giggled. "GRAY FULLBUSTER!"

"Um, yeah?" Gray said in confusion. His confusion didn't last long as girls made their way towards him and begin crowding him. By the time Lucy and Wendy had gone to the cashier with a few items, Gray was already feeling quite overwhelmed. Even from a distance, he could tell that Lucy was sighing quite heavily and rolling her eyes as she made her payments.

Thank Mavis Wendy ran over to defend him his apparent fangirls. For that, she received a couple of glares and nasty looks, but she just huffed and told them off for bothering him. Then Lucy came up behind them and yelled at them to scram. She got quite a few dirty looks as well, but Lucy was Lucy and did nothing but wave her right hand at them as she pulled Gray out the store.

Once outside, she had smacked him on the head and told him to put on his shirt and coat, which Wendy offered to him. As soon as he did that, a couple of bags were being unloaded onto his arms. Gray sighed. The downsides of shopping with teenage girls…

After the clothing shop incident, they stopped a few more shops in search of gifts for Natsu, but to no avail. They even revisited a couple multiple times over, but even that turned up no results. And so here they were, standing outside in the snow, Gray holding most of the bags, and wondering why they just couldn't find something for their deceased teammate. It wasn't like they were lacking spirit in the gift searching.

After a few more minutes of contemplation and cycle of cursing Natsu's name before feeling guilty and sad and emotional all over, he felt he should share the brilliant idea he thought up a few days ago with the girls.

"Maybe you guys should just make him something."

Wendy nodded. "That's a great idea, Gray-san. I'm sure Natsu-kun would love that you're going to make it yourself!"

"What about you?" Carla looked up at him quizzically.

"Oh, I already have his gift ready. It's been wrapped for days."

"Then why the hell did we spend hours looking for something for him?" Lucy demanded.

Her glare met Gray's puzzled stare. "I thought you two needed to get something?"

Lucy scowled suddenly. "I'm in the process of wrapping up his gift!" It wasn't strictly true in the sense they were thinking; Lucy had written a tribute to the fire dragon slayer and just needed to write a few more paragraphs to wrap up before physically taping wrapping paper around it.

"My gift for Natsu-kun is already wrapped as well," Wendy added. "I thought you guys needed gifts, so I didn't say anything…"

"So basically, we wasted hours futilely looking for a gift no one needed to buy because we all thought the others needed it and didn't say anything," Lucy ground out.

Gray sheepishly met her hard glare. "Sounds about right. Lucy whacked him on the head. This time, Gray didn't protest. Much.

With that solved, the three headed back to the guild and dropped off their gifts in a corner of the guild. As they made to leave, Lucy was ambushed by a crying Mira for the second time that day, though Lucy only smiled and patted her on the back in assurance that she was in fact very okay. After a while, they headed back to Lucy's house. It was early evening and Gray didn't want to leave Lucy alone, not after all that had happened in the day.

It appeared Lucy had no desire to be alone either, as she had whispered her thanks to him moments after they stepped through her doors. The three of them – ack, no, it was four! He should really stop forgetting Carla. The four of them sat around Lucy's house, ate some of her food, and talked about the guild, jobs, Natsu and his ever loyal partner Happy and their stupid actions. It brought on a few tears but also near hysterical laughter and annoyed expressions once they got past that hurtle of the pain of remembering.

Strangely enough, people began arriving when the evening was well underway. Erza walked in decked out in holiday clothing and accessories, carrying a cake. Cana entered lugging some alcohol. Levy, Gajeel and Pantherlily came bearing fruit plates and a cake as well. Juvia brought cookies. The Strauss siblings added fancy looking lasagne to the quickly filling counter of food. Lucy was speechless. Then she began yelling.

"Hey! What are you all doing here? And DON'T JUST BARGE IN WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!"

Erza waved off her complaint and said, "You've been through a lot today, Lucy. We'll help cheer you up."

"What…?"

Lisanna smiled. "You need some cheering up, girl! I'm sure a party will do the trick."

Lucy sputtered. "But – but I was doing just fine!"

"Nonsense," Erza said. "We all need a little something to bring our spirits back up. Let's celebrate for Natsu, everyone!"

People cheered all around. Lucy gave in right them and there. There was no way they would be willing to go home without that party they went for, so she just sighed and told them to not go into her room or go through her stuff. People began to pass food around, and Gray found Juvia striking up a conversation with him. The atmosphere was quite relaxed as they ate and chatted (and drank some, but that was mostly Cana and Erza).

As Cana was really beginning to bring out the alcohol a few hours later, Lucy put her foot down. "No more alcohol. And everyone, you should head home now. No staying over like last year!" She visibly shuddered at the memories of last year's party. It had certainly been… interesting.

With a few complaints and grudging noises of acceptance, people began to file out.

"Good night, Lu-chan! Sleep well!" Lucy said as she, Gajeel and Pantherlily left.

"Night, bunny girl." Gajeel smirked.

"Hey!"

"Good night, Lucy! See you tomorrow at the guild!" Mira waved before leaving with Lisanna and Elfman.

"Keep being MANLY, Gray."

"Lucy! Sleep well, okay? I'll be going home now," Cana said as she dragged her liquor back out of Lucy's apartment.

"I will be heading back to Fairy Hills now, Lucy. See you tomorrow." Erza, holiday decorations still in place and still as blinding as when she arrived, left after patting Lucy on the shoulder.

"Juvia wishes Lucy a good night!"

"Lucy, I hope you sleep well tonight. If you need anything, I'll be there, okay?" Gray told her seriously, his sharp blue eyes boring into her brown ones.

Lucy gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine, Gray. Besides, I have Wendy and Carla with me tonight. Same to you. Good night!"

With another wave, he closed the door behind him with Juvia at his arm. He turned to her, saying, "Let's get you home, shall we?"

The two of them talked a bit on the way to Juvia's home. After ensuring she got back safely, Gray began the lonely walk across town to home, Lyon and Cheria's gift bags swinging on his arm. Thoughts of a reminiscent nature plagued him, and it caused a few tears to prick at his eyes. Natsu… the flame brain refused get out of his mind. It was easier to deal with when he was around his guild mates, but alone, the burden of bearing his best friend's death was damn well near impossible without tears springing to existence.

Natsu had asked Gray to kill him when he had found out he was END after foolishly running off to defeat Zeref, after Gray had slammed him into the ground, the mark of an ice devil slayer burning across his right arm. He could still hear the sharp, poignant words echoing in his head. _Gray… please kill me. If I do become END, then you have to kill me. I won't let the demon exist again. You're the only one who can do this, you know. It's perfect, ice devil slayer._

He had shouted no at the pink-haired idiot, his expression twisting into one of despair and sorrow to match Natsu's.

 _Gray, I can't let myself become END. I… I can't lose myself, my humanity. I can't bear the thought of hurting you, Happy, Lucy, Wendy, Fairy Tail or anyone except those bastards who attacked our home. That's why I need you to promise… Just think of it like you finally winning the power struggle through the years. Just imagine it like you're finally taking your victory over me, okay?_

Gray still couldn't believe he said that. He refused to accept, even though knowing his best friend was the monster he sought to kill. But in the end, Natsu had managed to get Gray to accept his conditions. Gray agreed, unable to bear the uncharacteristic sadness that never did fade from his eyes, nor the defeat and pleading in his tone.

 _Fine. I'll do it, only if you become END and have no control over the demon. I'll do it._

Natsu had breathed a sigh of relief and understanding. _Thank you, Gray_.

What tore at Gray was that he had accepted. What would he have done had he actually been forced to kill the idiot? Things didn't turn out that way, but even so, he was still weighed down by his decisions. If Gray had not agreed, would Natsu have tread more carefully in his battles against Acnologia and Zeref? Would he have refused Zeref's offer? Would have chosen to remain human and die, leaving Acnologia to his guild mates to defeat?

Gray knew the answer. He wouldn't have. Natsu wouldn't have done anything differently. Gray's answer then only gave him a sense of security and trust. It wouldn't have changed his rash actions. Even so, Gray couldn't help but blame himself. In the safety of his own home he cried, allowing himself to break down. He cried for his choices, his actions, and Natsu.

That night, those doubts followed him even in his sleep. He tossed and turned until he woke up, cold sweat rolling down his naked chest from the nightmares. A strange touch of warmth brushed at his temples, and soon after, he was lulled to sleep. As he fell back asleep, he thought he heard Natsu's voice.

 _Don't worry, Gray. It wasn't your fault._

From then until morning came, his dreams were filled with memories of happier days.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


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